It’s been a rough week in gluten-free land. Even with my delightful summer treats, I’ve been fighting a wicked craving for gluten. I found myself in front of the 7-11 staring at their glossy photos of donuts and buffalo chicken rollers just wanting. I wonder what it would be like to just pull into a mall parking lot and go crazy in the food court. I started a list of things I would eat if I decided to fall off the wagon: First, donuts, second, cupcake, third, pizza, fourth, Roscoe’s chicken and waffles and fifth, real turkey sandwich from Larchmont Deli. I’ve honest-to-god been contemplating my great moment of cheating and wondering which temptress would be the one.
So naturally, I accidentally (if there are, indeed, accidents) ate gluten not once but twice, and have been hella’ sick. I know. It’s so on-the-nose. Could I be any more text-book?
The first ridiculous gluten’ing happened over the weekend when I went to make a delicious gluten-free breakfast casserole and instead of going for the Applegate Farms gf sausage, I bought the delicious looking sausage made on-site. Did I ask if the casing or sausage contained gluten? Even after I just wrote about it less than 24 hours before I bought it? Of course not, because how could any beautiful handmade sausage from organic pig be bad for me? Because it has gluten in it, nimrod. Yes, I just called myself a nimrod.
Not satisfied with just one gluten-related incident, I then accepted candy from strangers (well, a good friend, but again did I ask what was in it? Nooooo.), and there it was. A double gluten whammy. 100% my fault. And I didn’t even get anything on my list.
Which is what I’m most upset about. I just spent a week fantasizing about what I would eat, if I could ever eat gluten again, and instead I messed up on sausage and a piece of hard candy. Really, April? That’s the best you could do? It’s shameful. But at least I’ve kicked my gluten craving, for the moment.
We’ll see how soon I find myself cruising by Yum Yum, pretending I have to make the Sophie’s choice between glazed and cake.
Image via ezioman/Flickr