Celiac Disease / Gluten Free Restaurants / Uncategorized

A Salad Is Not a Meal

This is called an "appetizer"

I’ve been feeling like a vegetarian in Texas lately, and I have to say I have a heck of a lot more sympathy for you herbivores now that I’m all, “I can’t eat that. Not that either. Nope, not that AT ALL.” Like a lot of people on restricted diets I wind up cooking a heck of a lot and avoid eating out to help ensure my stomach doesn’t get all freaky deeky. Actually, I don’t know if this is true at all. Maybe I’m the only one who lives in a perpetual state of dirty pots and pans and the rest of you are all, “I’m picking up soy-free, dairy-free delights from the drive-through, bitches!”

Regardless, when my husband and I started talking about having an at-home date night this week (I know! Aren’t we exciting!?), I started to get depressed because I knew that meant lots of cooking, cleaning, and basically working just to have a romantic night with my man. I expressed this to him, and he said not to worry my pretty little head about it because he would pick up dinner. When I reminded him I can’t eat gluten, and thus eating take-out is way dicey, he said, “Don’t you think I fucking know that? You have a gd blog, after all, that I’m forced to read and click on multiple times every gd day to increase your precious page views.”

Actually, he totally did not say that. Instead, he offered to go to one of our fave lunch spots, Tender Greens, and grab us some tasty salads. That’s when I started to cry.

You see, a salad is not a date night meal. My husband doesn’t understand this because that dude loves salad. But if I’m having a special date night meal there had better be an app, or at the least a cheese course, followed by a salad, and then the entrée. Amiright?

Herein lies the problem with take-out. Finding something that fits the gluten-free bill when you’re eating out is incredibly difficult when you have an attentive waiter standing over you jonesing for a tip. When you’re just running in and out, you’re lucky to get your food order right, much less make sure there’s no gluten all over that. And the potential for slosh over as you drive home is just too risky. So how is a gluten-free gal to get a safe meal that she doesn’t have to either cook herself, or pay a babysitter so she can leave the house?

The obvious answer is vegan joints. Which luckily are all over Los Angeles, and there are some seriously delicious ones. But my inner Okie/Texan is also afraid that a vegan meal isn’t really date night material either. I think that’s pushing it, honestly.

This is where my husband tells me if I continue to eat like I’m in my 20s and living back on the farm, I will die from heart disease. Furthermore, perhaps at-home night date is not such a great idea. Which means, we may be eating Chipotle for date night. Again. (Which I also have to point out, totally doesn’t count either.)

16 thoughts on “A Salad Is Not a Meal

  1. You basically summed up exactly how I feel. Cheese plates and wine and maybe a steak equal date night in my opinion. Not cooking, cleaning or salads. Blech.

  2. Hey April I have been a vegetarian for years . But your dad sure wont take that step he has to have his MEAT .. Shelia my sister is a vegan and she had me try it .. Nope Nope Nope cant do it … Good luck !! it sure is hard to change an eating life style ..

  3. Hey,
    You made me laugh…I’ve been vegetarian for most of my life…and then I was diagnosed as celiac!!!!! Which effectively leaves my food group choices when I go out as lettuce or cardboard. I actually found out the other day there is a name for people like me….drum roll……VEGIACS! Oh how I laughed. The rest of my family has just shortened it to ‘maniac’ as that sorta sums up how they see me. However it is becoming increasingly difficult to remain a part of society and eat at the same time. Soooooo I am thinking of one day coming back to the ‘other’ side. But I’m not ready yet. At the moment lettuce and cardboard still tastes ok…………..

    • Vegiacs? Are you freaking kidding me??? I tried to go veg last year, and that’s when I wound up eating more carbs than ever, and getting really sick. In fact, if I hadn’t gone veg it’s possible I still wouldn’t realize I had celiac because it really kicked it into gear. I have no idea how you do it. NONE.

  4. I was a veggie until I was diagnosed. I just wasn’t up to the challenge of being both, so I slowly went back to eating meat, which I now love. When my sister walked into the kitchen and saw me eating chicken, she almost passed out in shock. I’m so glad I’m married; I can’t imagine dating with so many dietary restrictions. Going out is difficult, and always staying in and cooking isn’t great either.

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  7. I feel the same way about salad. It’s not a meal. My stomach growls in anticipation that real food is on its way. I feel the same way about yogurt although yogurt is a lot tastier. I don’t understand how some people make it to lunch with yogurt and a glass of milk. I’m in college and there are no options for gluten free except for pizza which I can’t eat because I also lay off the cheese as much as possible. My skin breaks out as soon as I eat wheat so it’s not like I’ll die if I don’t avoid wheat. Lately it’s been so hard to stay true to the diet. My mom asked what happened when she saw my face and I whined like a two year old saying I was hungry. I caved and had a sandwich. And dammit I enjoyed that sandwich.

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