So I used to make these amazing chocolate chip cookies. Ever since I have been forbidden to eat the gluten, I have been dreaming of the day I could find the perfect flour blend, or perfect brand of all-purpose to make these killer cookies once again. I mean, you guys, everyone says, “Holy crap, these are some outstanding cookies.” It’s not just me that’s missing out — it’s everyone I’ve ever shared these cookies with. I know. I’m like, responsible for other people’s happiness.

Since I’ve been having a lot of success with the all-purpose blend by King Arthur, I thought this might be the time to attempt my world-famous cookie recipe (that I stole from Not Without Salt). It was all going so well, with my expert help from Supergirl, herself.

There are a few keys to making the best chocolate chip cookies in the entire universe. One, is the sprinkling of sea salt on top before baking. Two, is the three sugar mix. And finally, the thing that I never do but they implore you to do in this recipe, is to cream the butter and sugars for 5 minutes. I simply don’t have the patience, and these cookies always turn out to be completely delish regardless. Maybe they’d be even better if I creamed the butters and sugars for 5 full minutes. But really, it’s kind of like that circumcision thing. How much better is sex going to feel with that flap of skin, really? From all reports from cut menfolk, it already is kind of mind-blowing and very difficult to imagine if there were some more nerves going on down there. But I digress.

I followed the other steps in trying to make these superfly cookies g-free, but I’m just going out on a limb here and declaring that my 3 minute mix is not responsible for this –

Even Supergirl couldn’t make this cookies plump up. I’m not totally sure this is a flour problem. However, the dough did feel more moist than when I used to make these delicious cook-ays back in my pre-celiac days. The butter was at room temperature, just like always, so that wasn’t the problem.  I did worry about the spread since the moisture level was higher, but couldn’t figure out why that was the case, since gluten-free flour usually makes things much more dry than the gluten-filled bizness. I didn’t add that xanthan gum I usually toss around like so much candy this time, which could be the problem. But I dunno. I’m going back to the drawing board. HOWEVER.

Those cookie pieces were freaking awesome. And when I decided to throw the remaining dough into a mini loaf pan and bake it, that was even better. All of this looks like hell, but tastes like paradise on earth. Trust me. As ugly as this is, and this “gf chocolate chip cookie loaf” is –

It tastes like this –

My husband declared this to be “the most delicious cookie mess I’ve ever eaten.” So here’s the recipe, even if it’s all crazy. Play around with it, and let me know how you made it work, Tim Gunn style.

The Best Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies You’ll Ever Eat

Ingredients:

2 sticks butter
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup Turbinado sugar
1 3/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
2  eggs
2 tsp vanilla
3 1/2 cup All Purpose gluten-free flour (I love King Arthur’s)
1 1/2 tsp Baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
1 lb. chocolate (use the best quality chocolate you can afford. With a serrated knife cut chocolate chunks roughly 1/2 inch)
1/2 teaspoon good quality salt, for sprinkling on top before baking

1. Cream the butter and the sugars until very light and fluffy, about 5 minutes on medium high. Scrape down the side of the bowl. Continue mixing while adding the eggs one at time. Make sure each egg is incorporated before adding the next. Add the vanilla. Scrape down the bowl with a spatula.

2. Combine the flour, soda and salt in another bowl. With a whisk to combine. With the machine on low, slowly add the flour. Mix until just combined, taking care not to over mix. With a spatula fold in the chocolate.

3. Sprinkle sea salt lightly on top before baking.

4. Bake at 360 for 12 minutes. They should be lightly golden on the outside but still look gooey on the inside.

Tell me what I did wrong, peoples.