Celiac Disease / Uncategorized

I’m a Gluten-Free Control Freak & So Are You

Hey, there's only a few tablespoons of flour. You'll be okay, right?

Okay, maybe you’re not. And if not, I’m sorry I just totally called you names. But as Thanksgiving arrives, ushering in the full-on holiday season I’m realizing that there’s no way I can enjoy this time without completely controlling every single thing about it. Like, everything. You guys, I traveled to a get together with gluten-free crackers in my purse last night. Yet again. It wasn’t the first time and it sure as heck won’t be the last. What if there’s cheese? And I need to eat it?

There are most certainly amazing Hanukkah get togethers in my future. And unlike last year’s super fun chow down at Canter’s, I’m sure I’ll be making lots of gluten-free latkes and brisket up in here and forcing everyone to come to me. Alternately, I’ll show up at your house with plate of hot oiled potatoes with no flour traces. That’s cool, right? And don’t even get me started on Christmas cookies. Just don’t.

If you have a celiac in your life, be gentle this time of year. If she calls you repeatedly begging for details on the menu, please indulge that crazy pants. If she shows up with a gluten-free buche de noel, try a bite. It might taste like cardboard, or hey, it might not totally suck. A super duper holiday present would be to smile when you eat it and remember that it’s possible she’s lost all of her gluten taste buds and doesn’t know that her concoction that took hours to make tastes like ass.

And always remember, your gluten-free friend doesn’t like being this way. But she can’t help it. Not unlike your mother-in-law (oh no I didn’t! a mother-in-law joke!).

Happy Holidays fellow control freaks. May it be a season filled with joy, and minimal poop.

6 thoughts on “I’m a Gluten-Free Control Freak & So Are You

  1. Oh yeah, control freak, big time. šŸ˜€ Just spent 2 days cooking enough gluten free food to last 1 adult and 2 child celiacs for a 3 day trip, since last year, no stores were open for one day of the trip and we had no pots and pans that were safe to cook with at this house, anyway!

    Enjoy your latkes this year! And if you’re looking for something a little different, googling found us a few recipes for kabocha squash gnocchi that seemed doable with a GF flour mix. šŸ™‚

  2. I have done gnocchi- I subbed rice flour – you just have to use a lot more than the gluten variety. Also… I have been in paradise eating gf cinnamon buns from Mariposa bakery. Oh yes, they ship.

    And I controlled every single part of my Thanksgiving, too. We will endure.

  3. Pingback: Your Questions About Gluten Foods | Gluten Free Guide

  4. So I was googling Canter’s gluten free since they supposedly have GF bread now and I found this post. So funny! I am not the celiac but I’m the wife and mom and feeder of them therefore I am the control freak. Sigh… Also, when I called Canter’s the guy who answered the phone knew next to nothing about GF other than the fact that they do have GF bread and they bring it in from *somewhere* but he doesn’t know where or what the brand is or what the ingredients are. And the frier is not GF. And their latkes are not GF. I didn’t bother asking him about cc. I am hoping against hope that I just talked to the one idiot in the joint and that there may be hope of a safe pastrami sandwhich. Must control sandwich…

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