I’m pretty sure I’ve found the answer to my latest dilemma. You see, I’m covering the red carpet at the Academy Awards next week for my other job, and wow do I wish I was about ten pounds lighter for the gown that would inspire either, “Is she famous?” or even, “Hey, that girl that no one cares about behind the scenes looks hot in that dress.” Sure, I could go work out, and stop trying to re-create an amazoids gluten-free sponge cake that goes perfectly with mozzarella sticks. Or, I could just eat as much gluten as possible for the next week and drop that pound-age like it’s hot. Come on, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it too.*
This is how I would start:
- Breakfast would include a pastry from every coffee shop I’ve been avoiding for the past year. Le Pain Quotidien, you’d better gird your pain au chocolate.
- Mid-morning snack would have to be donuts. Duh.
- Lunch is the perfect time to enjoy an ice cold IPA, maybe at Umami Burger. Give me that brioche bun, bitches.
- No reason to not try out any and all brew pubs around town at this point, hey, I’m not going to be on this diet for long!
- Dinner would definitely take place at Pizzeria Mozza, where I would eat some lardon pizza, alongside some meatballs, and whatever else I can shove in my pizza hole. Dessert? Whatever you’ve got, Batali.
- Midnight snack will then consist of the following: Chinese take-out — all of it, Magnolia Bakery cupcakes, Twix bars, and a burrito.
I’m pretty sure eating like this would allow me to fit into a gown for the Oscars. I might be losing my hair, and most likely I’d pass out on the bleachers before I got a chance to ask Brad and Angie about their latest pregnancy/drug problem/why they hate Jennifer Aniston so much. But, hey, ten pounds lost! Wheeeee!
*Seriously, don’t do this. I know you’re smarter than I am and probably know that already. But don’t. You don’t want cancer of the bowels, amiright?
Image via Rachel from Cupcakes Take the Cake/Flickr