Sometimes I freak out when I have to leave my home for more than four hours. Sometimes I also freak out when the Super Shuttle is outside my house and I realize I haven’t packed my gluten-free go bag yet. And lots of times, I freak out just when I see one of those long thin bugs that may or may not be a scorpion coming to bite my brains (let’s call that a “may not”). The point is, this is what I wound up with at LAX while on my way to Seattle to BlogHer Food ’12. Can I get a wooot!?

After all, airports are not known to be particularly gluten-friendly (see the great Taco Bell incident of 2011 return trip from Mexico) and also I get hungry. Many times I am full-on prepared, but this trip I was just kind of flying by the seat of my pants. Hence, the good, the bad, and the ohmygodIalmostwasdetainedbytheTSA. Let me break it down for you.

The coffee is Starbucks. Yeah, that’s something you can find at the airport. The rest of my booty consists of almond butter, German cream cheese brownies I’m developing for my book (yes, I said book, more later on that amazingness), and M&Ms. So my stash has not changed since I was a fourth grader on my way to sleep away camp. What has changed, is that whole only 3 ounces rule which apparently I busted wide open with my almond butter. Hence, the detainment, uncomfortable search (of my bag), and scolding. But hey, they let me keep my almond butter so I am STOKED. Or I will be, as soon as I find a spoon.

The other nutty thing about preparing so much for a trip, is that you’ve eaten all of your gluten-free food by the time you have to get on the return flight. In fact, I’ve eaten half of those brownies just while writing this post. Since I am going to a food conference, and I heard Bob’s Red Mill will be there, I’m hoping for some gluten-free snacks to throw in my purse when I head home from Seattle after I school people in why poop talk is funny. Otherwise, I kind of feel like why make the big effort to bake gluten-free German cream cheese brownies before you leave on a trip, if there will be no gluten-free German cream cheese brownies when you have to head back to the glamorized bus stop with flying buses?

So if you’re stuck in an airport with no food that won’t make you sick all over the airplane, I’m going to suggest M&Ms and Starbucks.  But not the flavored drinks, don’t forget that those are totally poisonous. Maybe. Don’t be like me and smuggle nut butters because as the TSA agent said to me, “We usually confiscate the peanut butters.” Happy travels.

What do you take to the airport with you, gfree’ers?