Celiac Disease / Uncategorized

Channing Tatum + Gluten-Free = Magic Mike

I can’t even make this shit up. Prepare for the Apocalypse, ladies and gentlemen, as another celebrity did the gluten-free thing for fun and profit.

According to ABC News, Mr. Tatum went on a gluten-free diet to get his body in shape for all that stripping in the upcoming Steven Soderbergh movie, Magic Mike. Here’s a preview of this piece of genius in case you aren’t aware.

This is Soderbergh being ultra meta, right? Because we all know the only job Tatum should be holding is that of stripper/furniture maker. In fact, Tatum’s own stripping past was the whole reason this movie came into being. That furniture maker thing was thrown in to make him look deep. How did this dude get the ear of one of the most talented filmmakers in America?

I have no idea why I have such a violent adverse reaction every time I see that guy on a billboard outside my house. I just can’t take Channing Tatum.  Ladies, if you look past the (gluten-free) abs, all you’ll find is dialogue delivered in a frat boy monotone. Let’s just assume he is one damn fine stripper, otherwise I have no idea why he’s allowed on screen in a Soderbergh movie, much less was somehow able to become the muse in a major motion picture. (Yet, I adore that Matthew McConaughey. And would have zero problem slipping a bill into his g-string. Nice work, Soderbergh!) See? It’s not fair that I’m so annoyed by Tatum. Surely there have been worse actors to grace the silver screen and make tons of money while doing so. Right?

But now Tatum is on the gluten-free band wagon, and he’s fair game for me to publicly say, “Enough with the Tatum!!!” You’re in my territory now. We don’t need your kind. We’ve got the Cyrus/Kardashian/Paltrow trifecta. You may go about your business, Mr. Tatum. Far away from the g-free.

Seriously, why so much CT hate? On my part.

Image via YouTube

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