The Whole 30 Is Going to Kick My Butt

gluten-free pizza whole 30

The last hurrah

That was dinner. A dinner I will not be enjoying for a very long, long, long, long time. Because here’s what’s going down in my house for the next 30 days. Or 23, because I don’t really trust myself to follow-through. But I’m trying. And I’m saying 30 days. And the point of the Whole 30 is, duh, 30 days. So that is, how they say, that.  Has anyone else tried this madness?

If you haven’t, it seems like a good thing not only for those of us who know we have a gluten problem and sensitive gut, but also those who might suspect there’s something up with their food. It’s also kind of a “cleanse” just by getting sugar, alcohol, and that yummy dairy out of your system (among other things). Especially helpful for those of us with autoimmune problems, the idea is healing your body through deprivation (feel free to use that description, Whole 30). In a nutshell, the Whole 30 challenge is eating whole foods for 30 days and eliminating dairy, gluten, soy, sugar (even natural ones!), alcohol, legumes (that includes peanuts and peanut butter!), MSG (and I LOVE MSG, j/k), fruit juices (but you can have whole fruit) and every other grain you might have thought was delicious. And corn, of course, because people seem to hate that delicious vegetable that acts like a grain. You can’t  even have quinoa, and that isn’t even all that delicious.

So this kind of thing is good to do with a buddy, which is why I’m excited that Maura over at The Other Side of the Tortilla is doing it with me! What’s not so exciting is Maura sits next to me at work and will be able to see if I’m sneaking M&Ms during the day. But hey, I just saw her receive a giant shipment of tortillas from her mom, so we’ll see who catches whom cheating.

The deal with The Whole 30 is this: By cutting out any potential allergens, and foods that can make you all bloat-y you get to see what’s going on up in there. It’s also to heal a gut that’s kind of jacked up. You know, like ours. I already know about the gluten (obvs), and am suspicious of dairy. For me, this is also about trying to gain some kind of control over my emotional response to food ever since I was told I could not eat gluten anymore, as well as getting my stomach in tip-top shape.

As someone who loves all foods, especially the ones with sugar and/or fat (preferably both!) this is a challenge. As someone who promotes such deliciousness in gluten-free form such as this, this, and ooooooh, this too—I don’t want you to feel like I’m turning my back on gluten-free comfort food. Because we need it.  And it’s true that I’m also someone who demands that no one tell ME what to eat.  After all I already am missing out on one of the most delicious foods in the world, so back off with your vegan talk. BACK. OFF.

So I’ll be super duper honest here about restricting my diet for 30 days. In addition to the whole healthy thing (which admittedly is like 12% of my motivation) it’s part me just being bummed that I don’t look the same in my clothes anymore. What used to be my “skinny jeans” are now just my “uncomfortable jeans.” It’s not that I think I’m fat (because I know anyone who knows me and struggles with weight might just punch me in my sensitive gut if I made that statement), it’s just that I’d like to be more fit. This is partly because of this –

celebrity mom watch

Yep. That’s me. Doing a weekly Internet broadcast . And while I SHOULD be concentrating on writing funny lines, and coming up with one million Kardashian jokes, instead I look at these episodes and think, “Damn, who’s Tits McGee over there?” Sure I can blame the camera on that extra ten pounds, and my rack on “looking bigger than I actually am” but the fact is, I have put on gluten-free pancake weight. I have. And I don’t want to see myself on the Internet and think bad thoughts about my body. That’s dumb. It’s energy wasted, and negativity for absolutely no good reason.

I’m doing this challenge for 23 30 days, but for a reason (please note I didn’t say a good reason). I’ll be letting you know what I whip up, and if it’s satisfying at all. I’m pretty sure by the end I’ll just be shoving steak and sweet potatoes in my mouth and crying, but you’ll still be here for me, right? RIGHT? God help me.

Has anyone else ever done this? And for the entire duration? HELP ME.

39 thoughts on “The Whole 30 Is Going to Kick My Butt

  1. I lasted 18 days in Dec of 2012. Two tips: (1) Almond Breeze orig/vanilla unsweetened almond milk = delicious and only 30 calories/serving. Is super cheap at Trader Joe’s. I ditched milk after the Whole 30 and only drink almond milk now, and (2) a sweet potato with almond butter = a tasty breakfast, snack, treat. Good luck!

  2. I tossed the idea around since I still have such horrible digestion issues…. I’ll see if you live through it first 😀

  3. How fun to do it with Maura!!! I did a Whole30 in the Spring and it was awesome. The first couple of days aren’t bad (momentum) but then days 4 to 9 are rough stuff! I have a bunch of Whole30 recipes on my site to keep it interesting. Good Luck 🙂

  4. The best part of doing any challenge for 30 days is that when the going gets rough, you can always look at your countdown and reassure yourself that there are “only x days to go.” I did this with Paleo when we first started. You can also feel very proud of achieving something. Good luck!

  5. I have a question- if you can’t eat dairy, gluten, soy, sugar, alcohol, legumes, MSG, fruit juices, grains/corn, then what can you eat? I’m primarily pescatarian with the occasional piece of chicken. Doesn’t sound like I would get much to eat.

  6. entering day 23….my husband will not come into the kitchen while I am wielding a knife as I cut up the umpteenth veggie dish. Wise move on his part. Asked my doctor if he was a sadist because he had a bottle of wine in his office, he sheepishly explained that is was a gift and it wouldn’t be forever for me. Yeah right! Apparently I have developed a sensitivity to dairy, sugar cane, gluten, almonds, peanuts, and eggs! As my friend joked cowardly on Facebook enjoy my water for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! It all started with my auto-immune disorder – Hashimoto’s. I basically have no metabolism. After exercising like an Olympian and eating like a bird, so I could look good at my daughter’s wedding, all I ended up with was feeling super lousy and wondering who invited Jabba the Hut into our family photos?! Thus the visit to the doc. I do feel so much better and know this is the best thing I can do for myself but I’m tired of drooling whenever I even see a picture of anything with cheese in it! Plus side I have lost 11 pounds, no hunger pangs, no bloated feeling, or expelling enough gas that the EPA has threatened to monitor my destruction of the ozone layer! Stay tuned!

  7. Good luck! I might attempt this if my stomach still doesn’t get any better, but not sure I’d have the perserverance (or the abilitiy since I’ll be in college).

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  10. I got the book a few weeks back and have been getting up the nerve to just go for it. It’s funny how you know you will probably feel SO much better for it, but just doing it can be so painful. I’m going to jump in now too 🙂 Thanks!

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  12. Okay, update. How do I feel as I enter into the last days of The Whole 30? Fantastic! My organs are wondering what happened to that big shot stomach that was always crowding them out? They now are getting better every day! I can see clearly now my brain fog has gone! See I am singing my answers!!! Seriously though I think something has happened where I perceive food in a whole different light. It’s not something that I have to have, or something that I think I am missing out on if I can’t eat it. This is a whole new concept for me. I am not hungry, I have energy and focus, I am woman hear me roar-whoops there I go again! Bottom line I feel great on a holistic level!

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  15. wow i haven’t heard of this whole 30 thing but my acupuncturist recommended something similar for 14 days about a year ago and i felt amazing! except i could eat brown rice.. sounds like no starches too? is it like the gap diet? i bet you can drink some broth if you are hungry? 30 days isn’t that long, right? and, you look amazing on the celeb mom watch! i had not seen that and love it and you!

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    • Yeah, my husband is pretty done with me. At the same time, it will totally let you know what is making you sick. I already knew about the gluten, but since you’re still in the dark it’s a really good idea. Maybe just tell him to go live somewhere else for 30 days? Or even just 20. 😉

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