Okay, so I made it 27 days. Or 26 with a slice of cake, oh and that thing on day 20 when I had a tortilla and a couple of cocktails. What I’m trying to say is, I’m not perfect, people. I know you totally thought I was due to this, this, and this. But alas, I know I’m breaking hearts by confessing that I could not do it for the whole 30. Or just telling you something you already knew about me because of this.

I do have to say I’m mostly glad I did this Whole 30. I’m really glad I read the book, and I feel like I’ve learned a bit more about what food does to the ol’ bod, and what works better for me and what’s not-so-hot. It was great eating whole foods because there was zero chance of getting gluten’d, and I’ll certainly continue to do this almost all of the time. I have to say I only got like two days of that “super energy” feeling, but I’m a low key gal and I always have been. My low blood pressure proves it, like with science.

I was disappointed that I didn’t feel like super woman, and also that my skin never got one bit better, and maybe even worse? Still, it was also a good lesson in connecting emotions and eating, and how that business all works. Whoo-boy, did that kick my ass. And it was interesting learning about inflammatory foods and how they can make the belly feel not so hot. Admittedly, I already knew about the gluten thing. So this extreme maybe wasn’t meant for someone like me in a revelatory manner. But hey, I did learn other stuffs! Like 30 things at least.

1. Going to bed at 9 p.m. makes me sad
2. Meat gets wedged in my teeth like a mother
3. It’s possible to get hooked on kale
4. So this is how an eating disorder happens
5. Super easy to take gluten out of your diet when you’ve been doing it for 2.5 years already
6. Apparently nachos are not a meal
7. You never know how much you love peanut butter, ’til it’s gone
8. If you ever need a class reunion/wedding/trip to the Riviera diet, this biz will do it
9. Greens are good, it’s true
10. Your dietary restrictions mean you can’t hang out with any friends for 30 days
11. Soup is your friend, eat that shizzle
12. Your body is weird
13. Almond milk kind of rules
14. Meth might help
15. Maybe plan your Whole 30 not on your birthday
16. Supportive partners can turn into mortal enemies in approximately 16.5 days
17. I fucking love tacos
18. Having salad with breakfast makes you feel French. Not as French as having a salad and a cigarette for breakfast, but still French.
19. It is possible to dream about doughnuts for 8 nights in a row
20. That adorable couple from The Whole 30 start looking like the devil’s minions around Day 17
21. Soft cheese is not my friend (I HATE that I learned this, BTW)
22. I get kinda’ mean off sugar
23. I might kill for tacos
24. Bagels are overrated
25. Wine is your friend, and friends don’t avoid friends for more than 27 days
26. I don’t know what pinto beans ever did to deserve this kind of treatment
27. When sushi is considered a treat, it’s time to give up
28. Maybe don’t do the Whole 30 unless you’re in a stable relationship
29. Kids can learn a classic curse word after only hearing it three times
30. Tacos. Food of the Gods.

Image via somewhere weird