Somebody hold my hair.
Duuuudes. Something is up. And I’m so not happy about it. Or, I’ve just had some bad luck for the last 9+ months. Not sure which.
I believe it is clear that there’s no way I would have gone through the autoimmune protocol diet if I hadn’t been hurting. I’ve been hurting. And my last visit with my hot GI doc had him saying, “How can I convince you to not dine out?” Well, never. Because I like to hang out with friends, and eat new things and have a good time.
But the fact is, I have not been okay. So I did the autoimmune protocol diet and the one day I was not on point I got seriously sick. While I was adding foods back into the diet (because eggs and gluten-free grains, really?) I felt fine. But dairy was iffy and eating outside of my house was a nightmare, even if I skipped dairy and sugar and things. So, yeah. You guys, I can cook like a mother, but I don’t want to have to make all of my own food for the rest of my life. I do it 80% of the time, and I need a 20% break, you ‘effers! This is not okay, and this is not okay, and this is not okay. GIVE ME SOME NACHOS, ALREADY!!!!!! All right, I can skip nachos, and I did on this day.
As you can see my children have been well-trained in the nacho love, but I skipped it for corn tortillas and carnitas. I didn’t trust the rice, but added the beans. But because I didn’t roast that pork myself, and cook those beans in my own damn pot, well, I got sick. ‘Eff you, food mother ‘effers. Honestly, I realize I should take a break from nachos. But I didn’t eat the nachos. So why did I feel bad? That’s not cool. I WANT NACHOS.
The funny thing is, when my kids and I sat down to lunch here, my son was all, “I’m going to pray to Jesus and God that you don’t get gluten’d.” And my daughter was all, “Don’t forget to pray to Elijah!” And we were like, ” Elijah of Passover?” #mixedreligiousfamily And my daughter said, “Elijah D.!” Who is a 2nd grader that we really like. But not so much that we pray to him. Still. We did. It didn’t work.
I’ve heard it so many times from so many of you, that you just can’t trust anyone else in a restaurant or wherevs to make your food. And I’ve always been trusting and adventurous. But something has happened, my friends. Something horrible. And I don’t think I can dine out anymore. I was working my way back from one bad day, and then there I was in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the entire world, and I couldn’t get a mother scratching gluten-free taco. That’s not right.
So what the heck is going on? The cleaner I eat, the worse I feel when I have a snack? Does celiac disease get worse and more sensitive as it goes on? Should I be tested for so many things that I never eat again? What. The. Hell. Also, I’m pretty sure I got sick yesterday from eating too much peanut butter. I mean, it was the only thing outside of my very, very basic diet.
I just need everyone to know that I have not had not had nachos in weeks (with one exception in Texas this weekend, when I DID NOT GET SICK). Same goes for In ‘N Out. Or pizza. Or anything with dairy. No dairy, my friends. And the fact that I still got sick after avoiding dairy???? Oh, hells no.
So, yeah, maybe my gut is getting worse. Maybe I’m more sensitive than I’ve ever been. Maybe I can never, ever, eat outside my own home or a dedicated kitchen ever again. And that would suck it.
Please god/Jesus/Elijah D, prove me wrong.
How are you guys doing out there?