Celiac Disease / Recipes

My Embarrassing Experiment in Crossfit Weeks 2 & 3: Is Cocaine Gluten Free?


I've been pretending spaghetti squash is actually spaghetti.

I’ve been pretending spaghetti squash is actually spaghetti.

I can’t believe I’m still doing this either. But I’m now on week 4 of the 6-week crossfit challenge and I find myself still totally in. I mean, I complain about it and usually miss my 9 am class because I’m arguing with myself whether a “real” feminist would be so concerned with how she looks. But I find myself slinking in to the 8 pm class or even worse—planning on going to the 5 am—to make sure I don’t miss a day. WHO AM I????? Plus, I HATE CROSSFIT.

I’ve also figured out why people who do crossfit are always asking other people to do crossfit: It’s so they’ll know what a badass you are what with the weight lifting, pull-ups, painful squats with weights and other crazy things you find yourself doing and wondering if you could make it on American Ninja Warrior. So, yeah, week 3 is the one where I almost threw up.

But I didn’t! Win. Week 3 is also when I realized the whole Paleo diet is all about taking away every single vice you have. 

This became totally clear when during one of the classes our tough chick instructor who also encourages us to talk about our feelings, asked those of us who were still standing how we felt about the Paleo diet portion of the challenge. And so it began. “I really miss wine. Can I have red wine?” “I really want some cheese. Right now.” “I just want a candy bar.” And so on. As those of us who were feeling deprived started to ask how we could work around the Paleo parameters, it occurred to me while wine and cheese were off the table (dammit) I could probably indulge in say, heroin or cocaine.

That’s when I also realized that hard drugs are totally gluten-free! It’s only the marijuana edibles you need to worry about. Yes, I’m doing so much crossfit that I’m finding this to be a very logical place to go in my head. You guys, I think that means I’m doing WAY TOO MUCH CROSSFIT.

BTW, that’s a spaghetti squash carbonara with peas. I roasted the spaghetti squash with olive oil, salt, pepper and red pepper flakes on 400 degrees for 30 minutes. I then sauteed garlic in olive oil on medium until soft, added 4 ounces of cubed pancetta cooked for 5 minutes. Added 1/4 cup coconut milk, salt, pepper and peas and cooked another 3 minutes. Added roasted spaghetti squash and voila. (My kids got some Paremsan, I paleo’d out.)

6 thoughts on “My Embarrassing Experiment in Crossfit Weeks 2 & 3: Is Cocaine Gluten Free?

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  3. Pingback: Gluten-Free Portland: As If You Even Need This Guide |

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