Celiac Disease / Gluten Free Restaurants

When Gluten Cravings Get Real . . . Annoying


gluten-envy

All gluten, all the time

Happy new year, everybodys!!!

I hope 2016 brings you everything in the world you want, including (for me) access to the world’s best gluten-free croissants. I haven’t met them yet, but I’ve heard they may be out there. I NEED THOSE GLUTEN-FREE CROISSANTS.

Yep, that’s kind of how it’s been around here lately. After my winter break in New York City, I discovered that, unlike Los Angeles, restaurants are back to that whole serving a bread basket with every meal thing. I swear I did not notice this on my last visit. The end result was that I wanted ALL THE GLUTEN in the five boroughs. Honestly, I’ve never had gluten cravings as badly as when I watched my family grab a slice of pizza and street eat it.

Basically, I’ve found myself honest-to-god despairing over my inability to ever enjoy gluten ever again so many times lately, I’m trying to sort out if it’s exposure, or something going awry in my brain. It is, after all, my 5 year anniversary of my celiac diagnosis, and thus my last bite of gluten. (Why didn’t anyone get me a present?) This must be why gluten has gotten so annoying, as well as the people in my immediate vicinity who can still eat it.

A few examples of me almost losing my shit over gluten in the past two weeks:

*My kid freaked out about not being able to drive thru Taco Bell. He was mad because, “Just because you can’t eat gluten the rest of us shouldn’t be punished!!!!” Oh, YOU’RE being punished? You, with the gluten crumbs all over your grubby little mouth because the after-school teacher handed out red velvet cupcakes? ‘Eff you, Junior. And, I’m telling Grandma to stop taking you to Taco Bell when I’m not around. There.

*I wound up with a bag of Fritos on Christmas because it was the best gluten-free option in our sad airport terminal on our way to New York. No one seemed to care. So of course I had to explain to my husband how much it sucks that I don’t just get to walk into Cinnabon and be like, “Give me a cinnabon!” My heart was hurting so I ordered two bottles of wine on the flight. No one understands me and my cinnabon grief. Expect my wine.

*At a restaurant that seemingly would be me-friendly, the waiter tells me there’s nothing safe but salad. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE CHEESEBURGERS BACK THERE????

*Every morning my family enjoyed real New York City bagels while I had to pretend to be grateful that Murray’s sells Udi’s. I wasn’t grateful. But I wasn’t going to let them win. Those smug bagel eaters.

*While searching for any of that amazing NYC Chinese food, I was always the problem. (So maybe you are suffering a little bit, family. A little.) When we did find a place that could make dishes gluten-free, I discovered they made them gluten-free by removing the sauce. Which is the best thing about Chinese food. Sure, I’ll have some plain steak and broccoli and rice, but it seems like I could get this at a steak house, no? And probably prepared with more butter.

*My daughter had so many rolls offered to her she started sculpting them into different shapes. There was the igloo, the empty egg, and the hidey-hole. Okay, they were all rolls with the middle torn out. Still, she manhandled rolls for days.

So, yeah. Gluten envy, Is gots it. Hasn’t someone come up with a cure yet? Just let me know. I’ll be here sniffing my children’s post-birthday party breath. Waiting.

26 thoughts on “When Gluten Cravings Get Real . . . Annoying

  1. I still smell boxes of donuts whenever they’re near. And I get crazy angry when someone takes my tiny little safe space and gets their f’n gluten all over it. REALLY! I have one spot to rely on for my sad little food and you have to get your bread crumbs all over it during your gluttonous Christmas feast. Suck it. I don’t know that the cravings will ever go away. Not until I have that chocolate frosted custard filled donut. A girl can dream

  2. I was actually okay for a long time. I think I’m into year five now and the last few months the cravings have started to hit. So, yeah, I binge on other junk–and I’m packing on the pounds. Ugh.

  3. It will be 11 years for me this coming May and I still have what I call “Cranky Gluten Days.” These cranky days happen especially when we are traveling or when hubby goes to the bakery to get everyone sweets for breakfast. Thank’s I’ll just sit here eating my gluten free bread with peanut butter. If you are not Gluten Free you just don’t understand the frustration.

  4. I so feel your pain. I have tried to be more mature about it and not get so upset or hide how upset I actually am when the server says all you can eat is salad, or we have nothing for you here. I was really upset at Christmas because they had a gluten fest with donuts and bagels and they were like “we got you Udi GF frozen Bagels.” “Oh YAY!!” I almost went crazy with the smell of donuts in the air and pushed my husband away when he tried to get close to me with his apple fritter breath. Donuts are the thing I miss the most lately and the hardest to find. Today I was greeted in the kitchen when I went to eat lunch with 2 boxes of donuts and almost threw a fit. I had to shut the box so I didn’t sit there trying to justify ways I could take a bite of just the frosting and sprinkles and not get sick. If you find a cure for Gluten envy, please let me know because I could use it too.

  5. I’m so sorry I didn’t know you were coming to NYC! Next time, check out Lilli and Loo’s, on Lexington Avenue, between 61st and 62nd Streets. It’s amazing. Everything’s GF. Everything. I had an eggroll! I had dessert! And the entree, too, yeah. My gluteny daughter enjoyed it, too. Delicious.

  6. OK, and for gluten envy, thank you so much. Makes me feel better. My mom died unexpectedly in early Dec. She’d just made her special gingerbread cookie dough (that I can’t eat, of course). So, my sister took the dough and made gingerbread men for ‘everybody’ for Christmas. That’s right: I had to say ‘no’ to the last chance to ever eat my mom’s cooking. The grief already had me bleeding, and this didn’t make it better. I did, however, hold and sniff one very deeply, before washing my hands. Sigh. Augh. Something about holidays and trips just makes the gluten envy worse, I think. Seems like everybody gets to suspend their rules but us. Then I remember my niece with a serious dairy allergy, my son with Crohn’s who has to follow a very careful diet, etc., etc. I’ll keep looking for that gluten envy cure, and keep you posted.

  7. I can’t even begin to tell you how spot on this is. I have cravings to the point of tears at times. And I don’t understand why. I digress.

  8. I totally understand, especially about the bagels. I curse my family a little bit every time they toast a bagel in the kitchen, because it makes the whole house smell like delicious, fresh, gluten-filled bagels! And rolls being placed right in front of me in a restaurant? It makes me want to cry as I watch my family enjoy those fluffy little pieces of bread 😦
    https://gfdeliciously.wordpress.com

  9. I live in south Jersey right outside of Philly. Cheese steaks and Hoagies everywhere! Prior to diagnosis last year I ate either/or every week. Mmm…Hoagies. Now there are substitutes, but they are nothing like the originals. What I would give to have a hoagie from Carmen’s in Bellmawr NJ just one more time. Also, when I am having a cake craving I have been known to cry in stores when they do not offer any type of GF cake product, then I wind up buying a huge bag of M&Ms and eating them until my stomach is so full I can’t even think of eating any more. The struggle is real.

  10. I legit won’t go to Olive Garden because of my gluten envy. Like I get mean and grumble over everything and I don’t care if they have a gluten free menu, I WILL NOT GO. It happened once and it will never happen again. (Btw, my meal there like 5 years ago was more expensive than my boyfriends, and it literally consisted of gf pasta and marinara sauce. No breadsticks, no soup, no meat — it was the worst.)

    And why can’t they make gf chef boyardee??? I hate anyone who gets to eat beeferoni.

    Also, I feel your gf croissant pain, Where the hell are the schar croissants in LA????? True story – I was in Paris one time, and I scouted out a place I could potentially buy Valpiform croissants, and I tried to go two separate times, and BOTH TIMES THEY WERE CLOSED. WHAT THE HELL, WORLD.

  11. This sums up my visits back home COMPLETELY: a BITCH. My mom is known for her 6-layer made from scratch red velvet cakes. At Christmastime, she bakes it along with her strawberry cake (real strawberries) and chocolate cake, both six layers as well and from scratch. These are in addition to cream puffs, Chinese candy, chocolate chip cookies, etc (you feeling my pain yet?). I make a pie that I can eat and loved ones whine because they don’t like the taste of MY gluten free crust. Oh pah-leeze people, REALLY?!?

  12. Seriously. Christmas week, our fridge was filled with croissants. This week, it was Three Kings cake, bagels, and donuts consecutively. It might be a little extreme to say I’d kill for a croissant, but I’d consider maiming for one. I think this was the hardest season to be gluten free since my diagnosis. I was already In a funk because it was was our first Christmas in 17 years without our beloved first cat, compounded by the fact that we couldn’t have a tree this year because the kittens she made a place for, while adorable and loveable, are still too impulsive to leave it alone. It was also the first year my mother and I didn’t bake together due to her recent hip surgery. With all of these factors, my heart just was not in it to bake my grandmother’s gingersnaps, which I spent years perfecting and I have continued to make out of love since my diagnosis. I barely baked at all, let alone something I couldn’t enjoy. I feel like my family and friends that look forward to them every year suffered for my disease, and while they kept any disappointment to themselves, I still feel guilty.

  13. Pingback: Health | Green Exploring

  14. Ugh. Yes. Gluten envy is so real. Now that I have discovered that I have multiple food issues the envy levels have sky rocketed (no gluten, soy, egg, almonds, or cow dairy). “Oh, you smug person get to buy your bread in a grocery store? Whatever, I just order mine from a bakery in Oakland and pay $12 to have it shipped to me. It’s fine, I’m not bitter.”

  15. I feel ya. I truly do. I do just fine then one day it’s like GIMME GLUTEN! I don’t have any of course, but my hatred of gluten eaters grows and then I feel super bad. Ugh.
    I know I’ve said this many times, but I miss beer. Over the holidays everyone was sipping their delicious, wheaty beers and there I was, sipping sorghum 😢

  16. OMG Lili’s 57 in Midtown is AMAZING. No joke. I ate gluten free dumplings!! So good. And it’s GF with sauce and breaking. Get your booty back to NYC and hit them up!

  17. I was perfecting my challah recipe, with 6-strand braiding, when we found out about my son’s gluten sensitivity. I haven’t made wheat challah since, but I’ve tried every gf challah recipe out there. I haven’t found anything decent yet, but I keep trying.

    • I’ve found a place or two to buy good gf challah, but I have not attempted it again because life is too short. If you’re in LA try Bo Nuage and Rising Hearts Bakery!

  18. I agree with everyone about Lilli and Loo’s. Safe and the food doesn’t taste any different than what I remember “real” American Chinese tasting like. Additionally, try Senza Gluten in the Village next time–fantastic Italian, completely gluten free restaurant. Bistango is another great choice. I actually stumbled across your blog as I’m moving from New York to LA and was trying to find Chinese out there!

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