Happy new year, everybodys!!!
I hope 2016 brings you everything in the world you want, including (for me) access to the world’s best gluten-free croissants. I haven’t met them yet, but I’ve heard they may be out there. I NEED THOSE GLUTEN-FREE CROISSANTS.
Yep, that’s kind of how it’s been around here lately. After my winter break in New York City, I discovered that, unlike Los Angeles, restaurants are back to that whole serving a bread basket with every meal thing. I swear I did not notice this on my last visit. The end result was that I wanted ALL THE GLUTEN in the five boroughs. Honestly, I’ve never had gluten cravings as badly as when I watched my family grab a slice of pizza and street eat it.
Basically, I’ve found myself honest-to-god despairing over my inability to ever enjoy gluten ever again so many times lately, I’m trying to sort out if it’s exposure, or something going awry in my brain. It is, after all, my 5 year anniversary of my celiac diagnosis, and thus my last bite of gluten. (Why didn’t anyone get me a present?) This must be why gluten has gotten so annoying, as well as the people in my immediate vicinity who can still eat it.
A few examples of me almost losing my shit over gluten in the past two weeks:
*My kid freaked out about not being able to drive thru Taco Bell. He was mad because, “Just because you can’t eat gluten the rest of us shouldn’t be punished!!!!” Oh, YOU’RE being punished? You, with the gluten crumbs all over your grubby little mouth because the after-school teacher handed out red velvet cupcakes? ‘Eff you, Junior. And, I’m telling Grandma to stop taking you to Taco Bell when I’m not around. There.
*I wound up with a bag of Fritos on Christmas because it was the best gluten-free option in our sad airport terminal on our way to New York. No one seemed to care. So of course I had to explain to my husband how much it sucks that I don’t just get to walk into Cinnabon and be like, “Give me a cinnabon!” My heart was hurting so I ordered two bottles of wine on the flight. No one understands me and my cinnabon grief. Expect my wine.
*At a restaurant that seemingly would be me-friendly, the waiter tells me there’s nothing safe but salad. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE CHEESEBURGERS BACK THERE????
*Every morning my family enjoyed real New York City bagels while I had to pretend to be grateful that Murray’s sells Udi’s. I wasn’t grateful. But I wasn’t going to let them win. Those smug bagel eaters.
*While searching for any of that amazing NYC Chinese food, I was always the problem. (So maybe you are suffering a little bit, family. A little.) When we did find a place that could make dishes gluten-free, I discovered they made them gluten-free by removing the sauce. Which is the best thing about Chinese food. Sure, I’ll have some plain steak and broccoli and rice, but it seems like I could get this at a steak house, no? And probably prepared with more butter.
*My daughter had so many rolls offered to her she started sculpting them into different shapes. There was the igloo, the empty egg, and the hidey-hole. Okay, they were all rolls with the middle torn out. Still, she manhandled rolls for days.
So, yeah. Gluten envy, Is gots it. Hasn’t someone come up with a cure yet? Just let me know. I’ll be here sniffing my children’s post-birthday party breath. Waiting.