Holy crap, moving sucks the big one. Even my dog knows the score. Yet, we just willingly hauled our cookies across town and are trying hard to set up shop again. And even though I know all of the fantastic reasons we just did this (walkable neighborhood, great middle school, gourmet soft serve on the corner) I’m questioning my sanity right about now. Moving. It’s for suckers.
It did not help that the weekend before our big move I got some cross-contamination action in what I believe were three different restaurants. Yep. This has been one of the worst gluten’ings of my 5 year career of not eating gluten on purpose. And when you’re moving and your kitchen is packed up, you can’t be 100% sure you’re eating safely. So, yeah, it’s been ugly, and painful, and I’ve been packing, lifting, moving, and now, unpacking, in between losing my shit and being malnourished. FUN.
Still. I have tips, because that’s how I am. Okay, I have very few tips. Because I’m tired AF, and am mostly just using this post as a rant. But first, the don’ts.
- Don’t lose your shit publicly when your store is out of lime flavored LaCroix. That’s called a first world problem. (And don’t tell me pamplemousse is better. Just don’t.)
- Don’t decide to just not eat because every time you eat it goes straight into the toilet. I did that, and I wound up dehydrated, in addition to having zero vitamins in my body.
- Don’t forget where you packed your coffee pot. I still can’t find that %$*##@ thing.
So it’s amazing I can even think to give you the dos. Yet, I go on.
DO: Bleach the hell out of your fridge before you put your gluten-free foods inside. Okay, this may be overkill but I’m very into doing what I can right now, instead of taking any risks. So bleaching the fridge, the cabinets, and putting down shelf liner is the way to go.
And this is how I know I’m losing it. I found myself thinking back to one of the first seasons of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” when Teresa Giudice said she’d never live in a “used house.” I feel you, Teresa. I feel you. Which is why my next piece of advice is bonkers: Buy all new appliances when you move.
Okay, we didn’t do that and that’s insane. But don’t think I haven’t thought about skipping vacations and holidays so I can be guaranteed that no gluten has ever touched my dishwasher and cheese drawer.
DO: Upgrade your cutting boards when you make a move (also, see shelf lining). It’s a great time to ditch anything that needs an upgrade, and I also feel like cutting boards need a refresh every few years, anyway. I really love these from Casabella that label each sheet by food, that way it helps me keep food in its own lane.
And I got all of that done while trying to sort out who the weird guy was walking back and forth in front of my dining room window. Still, unsure.
DO: Identify your local gluten-free friendly restaurants in your new neighborhood, ASAP. I love Find Me Gluten Free, and it’s especially important to read the reviews, and maybe don’t go to the place with only 1 star. Also, that’s almond milk in that coffee. But no, that’s not vegan cheese on my chilaquiles. I’m weak.
And that, my friends, is how to succeed and fail when relocating your bad self. Good ‘effing luck.
(No matter how many probiotics taken, charcoal swallowed and half-assed attempts to avoid dairy, I’m not getting any better. So please send tips. K, thanks.)